Chicken Poo Defence

Mr. Joe Weston-Webb of Soar Bottom, Nottinghamshire has found the perfect answer to his rural vandalism problem: a 30 ft Roman catapult loaded with Grade-A chicken poo. That is not, of course, taking into account the cannon that fires railway sleepers or the exploding coffin.

I am particularly impressed with Mr. Weston-Webb's response to officialdom's frowning on his defending what is his. It is both reasonable and suitably insolent.

Nottinghamshire Police said yesterday that they would send an officer to offer advice on “conventional security techniques” and on the use of “reasonable force”. Mr Weston-Webb promises to be reasonable. “We are putting a rubber block on the end of the railway sleeper,” he said. “It should just knock an intruder down.”

And you can't say fairer than that.