The Bikini is 60 Years Old!

I've forgotten what I was going to say now.

They Just Don't Get it

Palestinian Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh is all in a lather, saying that the Israeli offensive in Gaza and arrest of over 60 cabinet ministers is a premeditated plot to overthrow Hamas.

Meanwhile, Mohammed Nazal, a Syria-based member of the Hamas politburo and equally miffed, told the Associated Press,

Israel is negotiating by fire. They're buying time until they can locate the soldier through intelligence and then try to free him.

And your point is... What?

Headline of the Day

US rebuffs Iranian calls for time on nuclear reply

Since this refers to Iran rebuffing the American negotiation terms, then the US is the rebuffing the rebuff.

Next: Iran rebuffs the rebuff of the rebuff.

I haven't seen so many rebuffs since I worked in a body shop (Boom! Boom!)

Vorsprung Durch Technik

They just don't build robots like they used to-- thank God.

Coming Up For Air

My soon-to-be-four-years old daughter suffers from severe asthma that can be triggered by something as simple as a cold, which has resulted in so many casualty ward visits that we have literally lost count-- though we will always have the gigantic medical bills to remind us. Sometimes it's been literally a lifesaver when we went in, and sometimes it was a better-to-be-on-the-safe-side trip, but when the kid is too small to use an asthma whistle to check lung capacity and you can't check her blood oxygen levels, what can you do? More than once we've gone in at 2 AM and sat for hours waiting to be discharged saying to each other, "You know, if we had one of these oxygen monitors we wouldn't have had to come in this time."

That's why this little gadget that measures blood oxygenation from SPO Medical caught our attention. Granted, this is no substitute for trained medical personnel, but like having a stethoscope, epipen or a bottle of oxygen at home, it can give be one more item of reassurance.

Power From Poo

From 1949, an old solution to a present problem. Forget ethanol, hybrids, fuel cells, and the hydrogen economy; what the world really need to solve its energy needs are great big plastic bags full of gas distilled from cow poo.

Let the fart jokes begin.

Falklands War Do-Over

Argentina is making another bid to take over the Falkland Islands; this time through "world opinion" over the issue of fishing rights.

Hopefully, Whitehall will respond with a brief missive that begins with "get" and ends with "stuffed."

Tales of Future Past of Tomorrow Today

Reihan Salam at Slate looks at the current predictors who are forming today's tales of the future, which will be tomorrow's tales of future past, and concludes that the future will belong to either the pessimists, the optimists or both.

Don't go out on a limb there, guys.

Lions and Donkeys

Were British servicemen in the First World War "lions led by donkeys?" Military historian Peter Caddick-Adams looks at the Battle of the Somme and finds that a lot of what has been accepted as truth in the '60s is really tells more about the historians than history.

When I was lecturing on history at university, the First World War was something of a bete noir for me, because until relatively recently it was almost impossible to find a modern work on the subject that didn't subscribe to the lions and donkeys school of thought. Worse, the popular narrative of the war always seemed to fit a template:
Archduke Ferdinand assassinated in 1914.

1. Tommys march off to France shouting "God save the King."
2. By Day Two the entire Western Front becomes a pointless killing ground of mud and blood that lasts for four years with Allies having no hope whatsoever of winning the war.
3. Inexplicably, the Allies suddenly win the war in 1918.

Somewhere in here the Bolshevik Revolution, Gallipoli and the Lusitania would get shoe-horned in, but that was the general drift. Naturally, the Allied generals were all ultra-conservative boobs and their men were all lambs to the slaughter who'd have been better off committing suicide if they couldn't desert. This reached its nadir in 1986 with a BBC drama called The Monocled Mutineer, which as much as said that the war was nothing but a Capitalist conspiracy to destroy the working class.

Leaving the paranoid conspiracy theories in the land of elves and fairies, this narrative turns out to have been remarkably unfair. True, the sheer destructive power of modern warfare caught everyone by surprise, horrible mistakes were made in every theatre and, yes, the Western Front was a charnel house for the first part of the war, thanks to the deadly combination of barbed wire and machine gun that made massed infantry obsolete and stopped any hope of an advance until the development of the tank, but, as Caddick-Adams points out, the Allies, and especially the BEF, were not led by cowardly "donkeys" who never saw the Front. In fact, he understates the case, in that not only were scores of generals lost at the front, but that those losses were higher that at any time before or since.

As for the idea that Haig et al were a load of conservative dunderheads who were fixated on cavalry charges and the like, most people forget that the generals' belief in breaking the lines so that the horses could have a go was not based on reactionary thinking, but rather a fascination with modern technology. The cavalry of 1914 had advanced lightyears beyond the broken nags that Wellington had to rely upon a hundred years before and represented genreations of concerted developmetn in weapons and tactics. It was firmly believed that new firearms, artillery and cavalry techniques made modern horsemen a devastating force that simply needed room to maneuver in order to tip the scales of battle. In other words, it was analogous to a Bomber Command twenty years later saying, "clear the anti-aircraft away and my bombers will finish the job."

But what I find most telling is that the "lions and donkeys" narrative always tends to gloss over that one annoying little fly in the storyline: The Allies won. The charnel house gave way to hard-earned victory. At devastating cost, the Germans did break and Berlin was laid bare to the threat of an Allied advance that was halted only by the Armistice. However, those historians who were so quick to condemn the generals for their follies seemed rather reluctant to credit them for their victories.

Reminds me of certain journalists today.

Sleepy Subject

BBC Online has an article taking a hard look at the topic of sleeping on the job and jfdl'adkrt'ja;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

The Moral Maze

I'm caught in a terrible ethical dilemma. Should I post an item on the nude Britney Spears cover for Harper's Bazaar? Seeing as I know almost nothing about Ms. Spears and am even less interested in her goings on, wouldn't it be transparent to all that the only reason I'm including such an item is because it is a bald excuse to include the words "nude Britney Spears" in a cynical attempt to attract search engine hits?

No, on balance, I've decided not to do the nude Britney Spears post.

That's nude Britney Spears.

Not doin' it.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali Fallout: Dutch Government Resigns

The pro-Jihadist, pro-appeasement campaign that drove Ayaan Hirsi Ali out of the Netherlands and tried to strip her of her citizenship has had its dagger turned against itself and struck the body politic deeper than I'd imagined (or hoped). According to AFP, this failed railroading sparked such a row over Immigration Minister Rita Verdonk, the instigator of the campagn, that the ruling coalition collapsed and the government had no choice except to resign en mass.

Now the Dutch will have to find someone to form a new government. Only those with spines need apply.

Tip o' the hat to the Captain's Quarters.

Long Distance Death Threat

Wives and other relatives of British soldiers serving in Iraq have been receiving death threats-- from Iraq. According to the Sunday Telegraph, insurgents are obtaining the numbers by intercepting mobile phone signals from servicemen calling home.

What would have taken the Nazis a major spy network and a ton of equipment can now be achieved by one semi-literate Jihadist with a couple of hundred quid worth of hacking gear.

Scary.

Digital T-Shirt

One of those ideas that seems cool until you actually try it out-- a t-shirt with a functioning digital clock sewn into the front. This may be great if you're the sort of person who is fed up with constantly being asked what time it is, but as the readout is a tad inconvenient to read from the wearer's point of view, if you want to know the time yourself, you might end up being to one doing the asking.

Anti-Terror Raid Apology

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair admitted that the Forest Gate anti-terrorism raid was in error.

This time we did not find what we were looking for and it seems we were wrong. Once again I apologise for the harm and disruption caused.

However, he went on to say that the police were "wrong" not in carrying out the raid, but in not finding what they were looking for.

This is a positive development, as it's far better that the police to state that it is preferable to make that sort of error rather than the kind that ends with bombs going off in Tube trains. However, it seems that the government still hasn't a clue as to the nature of this war, since Sir Ian also said, according to the report,

(I)t was his view that the police should find leading figures in the Muslim community "who will be able to examine our methodology, our intelligence assessments and decision making before major operations."

It's rather like consulting with Russian ex-pats during the Cold War before going after KGB agents. With that sort of "help" I predict that the police are going to come up empty handed with remarkable regularity.

Okay, How About a Tote Bag?

It's been four days since Warren Buffett, the second richest man in the world, announced that he is giving 85 percent of his wealth to Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, to distribute through his foundation and I still cannot figure it out.

Why? Why did Buffett give all that cash to Gates when there were so much more worthwhile causes? Doesn't he read Ephemeral Isle? Doesn't he see the handy Donate button on the right? Doesn't he know about the great premium of classic radio plays on CD-ROM available for every contribution to the bandwidth fund over $25? For $47.5 billion he'd have 1,900,000,000 copies-- that's enough to take care of his Christmas list for the rest of his life and leave a couple left over to keep in the car. I'd even throw in a coffee mug for free.

Bet Gates didn't give him a coffee mug.

Quote of the Day

No, they’re not on the other side — not card-carrying members. But say they were: How, exactly, would their behavior be different?

Max Easton (paraphrased) on the behaviour of certain journalists.

Googling the OED

"Google" is now officially a verb, according to the 2006 edition of the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary. The entry is reproduced below so you don't have to enter the word in a search engine thingy to look for it. There's a word for that sort of operation, but forget what it is.

intr. To use the Google search engine to find information on the Internet. trans. To search for information about (a person or thing) using the Google search engine.

Has Somalia Fallen?

ABC News reports that Sheikh Sharif Sheikh Ahmed, leader of the Muslim militias executive council, has claimed that his Jihadist forces have not only taken the south of Somalia, but now control the entire country.

If this is true, then Somalia is no longer a sideshow, but a beach head in East Africa and a potential new base from which the Jihadists can operate.

Dick Tracy Call Your Service

One of the more popular pages in Tales of Future Past deals with that technological oddity, the Wrist Radio. It's one of those predictions that people keep making and remaking, but somehow it never gets off the funny pages. Now, SMS Technology Australia announces that it is ready to market an honest-to-Tracy wrist radio-- or a wrist phone, rather-- complete with Bluetooth and voice dialing.

This is all very cool, but it still faces the insurmountable fact that in the cold light day you're still some twit talking to his watch.

Iran: The Clock is Ticking...Sort Of

Iran has been given until 5 July to accept the West's offer of incentives to suspend uranium enrichment or face the consequences.

As this is a G8 press release rather than an Anglo-American ultimatum, it has about as much clout as an exceptionally fluffy feather pillow, but it's a refreshing change from the resignation that has marked the international response to the Iran crisis up until now.

Update: Iran is playing Nuclear Chicken.

Wolverine Update

You can't keep a good mutant down. The X-Men franchise may have been wrapped up and half the characters killed off (and based on X-Men III, that's not such a bad thing), but that doesn't mean that the genetic angst is over, as Fox has announced that Hugh Jackman will be returning in a Wolverine spinoff movie due for release sometime around 2008.

And so will his sideburns.

Palestinian Terrorists May Have Fired Chemical Warhead Into Israel

According to Reuters, Gaza terrorists have issued the following claim:

The al-Aqsa Brigades have fired one rocket with a chemical warhead.

If this is true, and the Palestinians are resorting to chemical weapons, then they have lost all reason and any hope of a Palestinian state. Out of pure self-defence, the Israelis will drive the lot of them clean out of their borders.

This isn't the first time this sort of pathological arrogance bordering on mass suicide has taken hold of an entire people. The Plains Indians suffered from it, as did the Imperial Chinese under the last Manchus and the Japanese in the last war. And it wasn't pretty then either.

Update: In related events, Palestinian terrorists claim to have executed an 18-year old Israeli hostage and the IDF are rounding up Hamas cabinet ministers and members of parliament.

21st Century Vinyl

Not a step forward, not a step back, but more of a step sideways. This turntable with a difference uses a laser instead of a stylus, so you can listen to your old Moody Blues albums without wearing them out.

Why you wish to do so, is your affair.

Tip o' the hat to Ektopia.

Ephemeral Is Now Syndicated

We've finally figured out how to configure our Atom feed, so you can now receive automatic updates of Ephemeral Isle as we post.

Scroll down for the link.

Hello, Assad!

At the Captain's Quarters, we have the story of the Israeli Air Force paying Boy Assad a friendly visit at his summer residence-- in four fighter jets at ground level.

They seem to have been delivering a message.

Another Nail

The ancient office of Lord Chancellor has been replaced in the House of Lords by some modern bastardisation called the "Lord Speaker."

What you just felt is Civilisation taking another lurch towards the Pit.

World Cup: Budweiser Discovers the Obvious

From CBS News:

Simply put, Germans hate Budweiser. Weeks before the inaugural games kicked off the Cup, Germans were furious at the prospect of having to drink what they refer to as "dishwater" at stadiums.

In other developments, water is wet and fire is hot.

Duelling Headlines

Scientists OK Gore's movie for accuracy

AP Incorrectly claims scientists praise Gore's movie

Robodog

This thing is bloody amazing. Defense Tech has a link-rich post on Boston Dynamics' BigDog-- a project to develop a robot dog that can be used as a mechanical packmule by the infantry.

There's even a link to some remarkable video footage, which includes a demonstration of how you can give the 'bot a swift kick in the side and it won't fall down. If they ever put any AI in this thing, I'd think twice about trying that trick.

Quote of the Day

Man, my career has really gone downhill. I really wish I had won that Oscar for Boogie Nights, that was my last shot. Take a left at the lights.

Burt Reynolds giving directions in the celebrity-voice version of the TomTom GPS navigator.

Mining Project

The Telegraph recently ran a story about a new shaped-charge mine, apparently developed and supplied by Iran, which is being used with lethal effect by terrorists against British troops in Iraq and which neatly dovetails with the first of Christopher Hitchens' four projects for anti-war activists.

What about the land mines? A few years ago, a fairly broad consensus was achieved, to the effect that land mines should be regarded as an illegal and immoral method of warfare. Jody Williams and her group received a Nobel Peace Prize for their work on the question, and Princess Diana became an international star on the subject. The Clinton administration declined to sign the treaty, mainly on the grounds that a huge number of American land mines guard the so-called demilitarized (actually very highly militarized) zone that helps protect South Korea from a "dear leader" attack. But nobody is going to wander innocently into that zone. Whereas in Iraq and Afghanistan, every day dozens of these devices—sometimes known as "improvised explosive devices," or IEDs—are buried where anyone can step on them or be blown up by them. We have persuasive evidence that Iran and Syria have contributed some sophisticated explosives to the gruesome business. Would not now be the time to demand that the international community denounce land-mine atrocities and—especially the states that underwrite them? Anyone who has ever uttered the phrase "civilian casualties" has a particular obligation here.

Any takers?

Breakfast Story

The Telegraph looks at the current state of the Anglican Church and says that,

If the suggestion by the Archbishop of Canterbury yesterday is taken up - of dividing it into "constituent" and "associated" parts - then it will most resemble a fried egg.

It's an interesting metaphor, but given Anglicanism's recent troubles, I'm more inclined to say it wasn't so much a fried egg as toast.

Update: The Right Rev Geoffrey Rowell, Bishop of Gibraltar in Europe, weighs in.

The Eyes Have It

Newcastle University recently ran a test where they placed a poster of flowers over a canteen "honesty box" and then replaced it with a pair of staring eyes to see if there was any difference in how much money people put in the box. Not surprisingly, when the staring eyes were put up, people had an guilt-attack and were three times more likely to pay for their drinks.

The scientists believe their findings may have applications in initiatives to curb anti-social behaviour or for law enforcement.

"It does raise the possibility that you could get people to behave more co-operatively or pro-socially by putting up pictures of eyes," said Dr Bateson.

Oh, yeah. I'm really looking forward to seeing posters like the one above on the street corners.

Doctor McCoy, Call Your Service

Like something straight out of Star Trek, the US Military is developing an ultrasound device that will allow combat medics to locate and then cauterise internal bleeding with focused ultrasonic beams.

If I'd read this in an old Hugo Gernsback magazine I'd have said, "In your dreams," but when I see some of the things that military medicine has come up with lately, I can't help thinking that it won't be long before some 21^st century Hawkeye Pierce pulls a little whirly thing out of his bag.

Israel Rolls Into Gaza

A tale of pure bad luck. The Palestinians vote out a load of bloodthirsty kleptocrats and vote in a government made up of raving Jihadists who wage civil war against their political opponents, reject every peace agreement made by their predecessors, vow to drive the Jews into the sea, shoots missiles at civilian targets, attack checkpoints, and kidnap soldiers and then act all surprised when the Israelis treated acts of war as, well, acts of war and sent the heavy armour into Gaza.

Who could have seen that coming?

Britain's Veterans Day

Today marked Great Britain's first annual Veterans Day.

First I've heard about the thing. Nice to see that they didn't keep it a secret!

Still, well done, lads and keep up the good work. We're all behind you!

Ayaan Hirsi Ali: Still Dutch

A little slice o' justice as the Dutch government says no to appeasement and rules that Ayann Hirsi Ali can retain her Dutch citizenship.

Minister Verdonk, who was behind the drive to strip Ayann of her nationality, may find herself stripped of her job.

Nothing to See Here

Little Green Footballs looks at the case of a Denver shooting spree that has police utterly "baffled" as to motive despite this quote from the gunman's sister:

He told me that Allah was going to make a choice and it was going to be good and told me people at his job was making fun of his religion and he didn’t respect that.

Good Lord, Inspector Clouseau could figure this one out quicker.

Quote of the Day

From the Times' excerpt of Michael Groves' book Celsius 7/7:

Jihadists today are not conducting a series of national liberation struggles which, if each were resolved, would lead to peace on earth and goodwill to all infidels. They are prosecuting a total war in the service of a pitiless ideology. It is only by appreciating that the enemy we face is a seamless totalitarian movement that we can begin to appreciate the scale of the challenge we must confront.

Result!

Ward Churchill, pseudo-American Indian, plagiarist, academic fraud and sunglasses fetishist, who called the victims of the World Trade Centre attacks "little Eichmanns" is being fired from the University of Colorado.

Even in academia a spark of sanity flickers.

The Piranhas of North Dakota

Our local zoo has an iron-clad policy that all descriptive placards must talk about how harmless and misunderstood the animals in a particular exhibit are so that you come away thinking that jackals, king cobras, scorpions and crocodiles are just the cuddliest things on God's green Earth. I did notice, however, that even the most PC zookeeper couldn't come up with anything to say about the piranhas except one word: "piranhas."

That's what gives this story its piqauncy.

Stoke Up the 'Droid, Min

And just to show that progress can slam straight into reverse, we present the steam-powered robot!

Not to be confused with the horse-drawn android.

The Whale! The White Whale

A white humpback whale has been sighted off the coast of Australia.

Captain Ahab unavailable for comment.

And Now: Sport

It's all electric excitement here as Wimbledon gets underway at last. Having completely ignored the World Cup, I can now get down to some serious not-watching tennis.

Happy Birthday, Flexible Friend

The great British credit card is forty-years old today.

Coincidentally, that is how long it will take me to pay off my balance.

My Dog Has Two Noses

How does he smell?

(Well, it sort of fits.)

Mass Appeal

The Pope has declared that electric guitars and other go-ahead "modern" music is not compatible with Christian worship. Not everyone agrees with him , especially Cardinal Carlo Furno, grand master of the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem, who says,

Better to have guitars on the altar and rock and roll Masses than empty churches.

Having sat through, and subsequently avoided like the plague, my share of trendy services, I think that His Eminence would be more accurate using "and" instead of "than."

And While We're on the Subject

British scientists claim to have invented an inviso-ray. At the moment, it only works on microscopic objects-- so you'll have to take their word for it, but it's early days yet.

Our reaction? Been there. Done That.

By the way, notice anything odd abut this paragraph? (Emphasis added)

To perform this conjuring trick in his lab at Imperial, Prof Phillips uses intense beams of infra-red light from lasers that rely on special semiconductor crystals grown in the former Soviet Union. Although the laser is rated at 10 million w atts, it is surprisingly safe: he encourages me to put my hand in the invisible beam: with each pulse of laser light, I feel a tiny pinprick as some of my skin cells are vaporised.

For Heavens sake, Mr. Highfield, the Soviet Union has been dead and unlamented for fifteen years. Do we continue to refer to Germany as "the former Nazi state" or Cambodia as "the former Kampuchea?" Can we please stop this