The Gaunlet Has Been Thrown Down

From the Daily Express:

HAM and bacon should be cut from our diets to avoid the risk of bowel cancer, a landmark study has shown.

First they came for the popcorn and I said nothing...

Ingsoc on Campus

The University of Delaware organises its halls of residence into a political re-education camp complete with commissars. Throw in a two-minute hate and they'll have the set.

What is truly depressing is that no one is going to get sacked over this outrage.

Put Up or Shut Up

Seattle PI cartoonist Horsey regards Islamofascism as a tiny threat made large by a Republican "fun-house mirror".

If Mr. Horsey truly believes that Jihadists are a mere neocon phantasm (9/11, 7/7, Glasgow, Beslan, Bali, Madrid, the Burning of France, the Taliban, Al Qaeda and all the rest aside), then I suggest that he put his pen where is mouth is and submit a drawing of Mohammed-- either reverent or nasty, it doesn't matter.

I'll run the book on how long it will be before Mr. Horsey is forced into hiding for fear of his life.

Spanish Maths

The Jihadists who carried out the Madrid bombings back in 2004 have been sentenced to 43,000 years in prison each.

Don't chill the champagne, though. Under Spanish law these monsters can't serve more than forty years no matter what the sentence.

They kill us and we hit them with soft pillows.

Update: According to the Los Angeles Times, it gets worse:

One of the accused masterminds of the 2004 Madrid terror bombings was acquitted of all charges today by a Spanish court in the culmination to a politically divisive trial over Europe's worst Islamic militant terror attack.

Rabei Osman, a 35-year-old Egyptian, allegedly bragged during a wiretapped phone conversation that the attacks, which killed 191 people and wounded more than 1,800, were his idea. Twenty-eight people were charged in the attacks.

They have him boasting of his perfidity and they let him walk scot free. Dear God.

Happy Halloween

It's Halloween at Ephemeral Isle, so to celebrate we bring you the ultimate in cinematic horror. Prepare yourself, if you can, for the sheer mind-bending terror of:

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Invisible Tanks

It's a budget-cutting trick, I tell you. They're going to scrap a tank regiment and claim we just can't see them!

Spinal Tap, Call Your Service

What happens when you don't pay attention to the design specs.

The Mulculturalism of Fear

Glen Reynolds comments on the recent uncovering of Jihadi propaganda in British Mosques and hits the nail on the head about the poison of Multiculturalism:

Europe mostly tolerates those whom it fears.

To coin a phrase, indeed.

Dog Shoots Man

A dog in Iowa claims to have shot his master "by accident".

Yeah, we've heard that one before.

Old Orange

A 116-year old orange has gone display at the Potteries Museum in Staffordshire.

If that sort of thing is of value, then the back of my fridge must be a treasure trove. I think I've got a bit of bacon in there that dates back to the Wilson government.

G. I. Joe and the Memory Hole

G. I. Joe (or Action Man as I knew him in my boyhood) is to finally be relieved of the unbearable burden of being an American. According to Variety:

G. I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer.

He works out of Belgium and he fights evil Scotsmen? Fair enough. It's not as if we're at war or anything.

Or as if G. I. Joe was ever a real person.

Born Free

Run, little crayfish! Run!

Pickled Pachyderms

What could be worse than drunken hooligans roaming British town centres on a Friday night?

Try drunken elephant hooligans running around Indian villages.

Eight Out of Ten

Russell Blackford has an excellent piece on the cluelessness of a certain Australian imam on the matter of separation of church and state and why Islamophobia is nothing but a bad word that should be dispensed with:

Unfortunately, the impression has been created by many Muslim leaders that Islam seeks to control all aspects of individuals' lives and does not shrink from using secular power to achieve its aim. We are all well aware of extreme examples in recent history, such as Afghanistan under the benighted Taliban regime. Until that fear is laid to rest, it is quite rational for the rest of us to fear Islam's political ambitions - which is one reason why the word "Islamophobia" is so stupid. A phobia is an irrational fear, but secular Westerners actually have perfectly rational reasons to be at least wary of Islam.

This is excellent stuff as far as it goes, but he does fall down on one point:

The question is not about kings and popes (though it is certainly relevant to the temporal ambitions of the current pope). It is about how religionists of any stripe can reassure the rest of us that they will not use the coercive power of the state to impose their contentious (and, let's face it, usually miserable) moral doctrines, should they come to command an electoral majority.

The matter of "miserable moral doctrines" aside, this is only half true. Yes, it is a question of reassurance, but not, as any competent theologian will tell you, that the church will be dangerous if it is backed by the power of the state. It is rather theat the state will be dangerous if it is backed by the awesome power of the church in the hands of fallible human beings. Hence the reason why most Christians reject theocracy and why even in the high-water time of the Catholic church the Pope only ruled his temporal realms as an earthly prince equal with his fellows.

Indeed, G. K. Chesterton dealt with this very neatly in The Everlasting Man when he addressed the Arian Heresy and the myth of the state as dictator of faith:

Take another rationalistic explanation of the rise of Christendom. It is common enough to find another critic saying, 'Christianity did not really rise at all; that is, it did not merely rise from below; it was imposed from above. It is an example of the power of the executive, especially in despotic states. The Empire was really an Empire; that is, it was really ruled by the Emperor. One of the Emperors happened to become a Christian. He might just as well have become a Mithraist or a Jew or a Fire-Worshipper; it was common in the decline of the Empire for eminent and educated people to adopt these eccentric eastern cults. But when he adopted it it became the official religion of the Roman Empire; and when it became the official religion of the Roman Empire, it became as strong, as universal and as invincible as the Roman Empire. It has only remained in the world as a relic of that Empire; or, as many have put it, it is but the ghost of Caesar still hovering over Rome.' This also is a very ordinary line taken in the criticism of orthodoxy, to say that it was only officialdoms that ever made it orthodoxy. And here again we can call on the heretics to refute it.

The whole great history of the Arian heresy might have been invented to explode this idea. It is a very interesting history often repeated in this connection; and the upshot of it is in so far as there ever was a merely official religion, it actually died because it was merely an official religion; and what destroyed it was the real religion. Arius advanced a version of Christianity which moved, more or less vaguely, in the direction of what we should call Unitarianism; thought was not the same, for it gave to Christ a curious intermediary position between the divine and human. The point is that it seemed to many more reasonable and less fanatical; and among these were many of the educated class in a sort of reaction against the first romance of conversion. Arians were a sort of moderates and a sort of modernists. And it was felt that after the first squabbles this was the final form of rationalized, religion into which civilization might well settle down. It was accepted by Divus Caesar himself and became the official orthodoxy; the generals and military princes drawn from the new barbarian powers of the north, full of the future, supported it strongly. But the sequel is still more important. Exactly as a modern man might pass through Unitarianism to complete agnosticism, so the greatest of the Arian emperors ultimately shed the last and thinnest pretense of Christianity; he abandoned even Arius and returned to Apollo. He was a Caesar of the Caesars; a soldier, a scholar, a man of large ambitions and ideals; another of the philosopher kings. It seemed to him as if at his signal the sun rose again. The oracles began to speak like birds beginning to sing at. dawn; paganism was itself again; the gods returned. It seemed the end of that strange interlude of an alien superstition. And indeed it was the end of it, so far as there was a mere interlude of mere superstition. It was the end of it, in so far as it was the fad of an emperor or the fashion of a generation. If there really was something that began with Constantine, then it ended with Julian.

A small point, but an important one.

Robocalligrapher

Inscribes Martin Luther bible; changes sixth commandment to "Thou Shalt Not Kill-- Except When Hunting for Sarah Conner".

Aged Clam

Scientists in Bangor, Wales claim to have discovered a clam over 400 years old.

This is not surprising, as I am positive I've been served clams that old in a restaurant in Eastbourne back in '92.

The Last Man on Earth

Since it's Halloween this week, it's only appropriate that this week's feature should showcase the immortal Vincent Price as The Last Man on Earth.

The Brain

The Brain: Basically a wrinkled bag of skin filled with warm water, veins and thought muscles.

Foresight is a Rarity

We're at war with crazed ideologues who leap at any sign of the West's cultural weakness, Mrs. Laura Bush visits Jeddah, is presented with an hijab, and with all the sense of a cod in a fish trap puts the thing on in front of cameras.

This by a woman who has no doubt been warned six ways to Sunday by her press secretary never to appear in an apron for fear of being thought "submissive."

No wonder I get these migraines.

Stalin's "Supermen"

According to the Scotsman, Stalin had a lot in common with Dr. Vornoff.

THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

I guess that's what they really meant by the New Soviet Man.

Come to think of it, given that Homo Sovieticus was essentially a mindless brute with all human thought and sympathy bred out of him, it probably isn't that much of a joke.

Smoking Licence

Prof. Julian le Grand, former advisor to Tony Blair, wants to "help" smokers by tabling a proposition that anyone who smokes must be forced to spend £200 on a licence-- provided, that is that he also gets a doctor's signature showing that he is not a "massive risk" and declare himself a "registered addict."

Not surprisingly, Prof. le Grand also proposes banning food manufacturers from adding salt to products, an exercise hour for all employees during the working day and free fruit in offices.

Failure to eat the fruit will, presumably, be made an imprisonable offence.

Running Comment

A comment from "Harry" in San Diego on the BBC web site regarding the California wildfires:

I was evacuated during the fires, and all I have to say is that the last few days have been awful.

I can imagine. Though why he was being force-fed laxatives remains a mystery.

A Humiliating Turn of Events

Headline from The Van Der Galiën Gazette:

French Intellectuals Accuse Dutch of “Unacceptable Cowardice”

It's offical; pigs fly!

Wishlist Dinosaur

This 60,000 lb robot tyrannosaurus capable of ripping pickup trucks to shreds is going up for auction on 12 January 2008.

If my wife is reading this, I would like to remind her that Christmas is coming and I already have enough ties.

Frankenstein (1910)

A real cinematic rarity: The very first screen adaptation of Frankenstein by the Thomas Edison Company.

An interesting bit of trivia: For a cast of complete "unknowns" the principal actors had an average of 217 screen credits each!

What Leader are You?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I was hoping for the Duke of Wellington at the very least.

Colonel Taylor, Call Your Service

From the BBC:

The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

Some stories need no comment.

Night Train

A new sculpture is due to be unveiled at St. Pancras station. According to the BBC,

The sculpture is intended to reflect the romance of past train travel.

From the look of the piece, St. Pancaras must have once been very popular with horny vampires.

Religion of Peace

"Youth" of indeterminate religion rioting continues in Amsterdam for a sixth night.

That won't do much for the "Moroccan-Dutch" of indeterminate religion's stigma.

Update: According to reports, part of the problem is that even as the "Moroccan-Dutch" of indeterminate religion "leaders" demand a crack down, the Dutch police are taking a softly-softly approach that amounts to letting the "Youths" of indeterminate religious burn and pillage as they see fit.

Uh huh. Worked so well with the Vikings, why shouldn't it with these barbarians.

Flash Gordon Cinema Update

More Flash Gordon goodness.

After yesterday's Flash Gordon film festival jayessell asked if any of the clips were from the notorious 1980 feature with the bombastic score by Queen. Indeed so, and here are the opening credits featuring some of Alex Raymond's incredible artwork.

We were also asked about the Filmation series that came out at the same time. The animated clip yesterday was from the television film that was only ever aired once, but was then cannibalised for scenes for the Saturday morning serial that was basically an expansion and toning down of the film plot.

A bit pedestrian as themes go, but still infinitely preferable to this Scifi Channel pap.

We also forgot the '70s soft core parody Flesh Gordon that kept a lot of FX artists gainfully employed during lean times, so in the interest of completeness, here it is. Caution: Brief nudity and strong language.

Unfortunately, now that we've started, we have to include the 1993 sequel Flesh Gordon meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders as well. The real tragedy of this one is that even it outdoes the current series.

Australia in Space

"Academics" in Queensland are up in arms about the exploration of space for fear that we might turn the Moon and Mars into extraterrestrial versions of Australia.

Taking barren, lifeless balls of dust and converting them into prosperous, free, democratic friendly, hard-working Anglophone nations that swear fealty to Her Britannic Majesty and boast beautiful beaches, loads of beef and lamb, superb seafood, barbecues, scuba diving, sailing, horseback riding, decent beer and Vegemite? A staunch ally through a century of war and conflict? The sort of place that my wife keeps asking me if we should emigrate to?

When do we start?

Pull Out Of Their...

First it was smoking, then it was fatty foods and now the government drops another "study" that the British middle-class is a hotbed of alcohol abuse with the denizens of Hampstead and Surrey regularly downing glasses of Chardy well beyond the sacred "safe" limits.

This assault on the sideboard was so blatant and predictable that even John Mortimer came out and denounced this invasion of privacy as absurd. Given that Mr. Mortimer is a quintessential Claret Socialist, this is not at all surprising.

What is even less surprising is that the Times reports that the "safe" drinking limits that the government has been pounding us over the head with for twenty years were "plucked out of the air."

Plucked out of somewhere that is certain, though I suspect it wasn't the air.

Rocketship

Your Saturday sci-fi feature: Rocketship; the 1950's full-length edit of the original 1936 Flash Gordon serial.

Flash Gordon is one of those characters who is almost impossible to transfer to the screen, but at least in 1936 they took a serious stab at capturing the spirit of the comic strip. Believe it or not, it, at the time it was the most expensive serial ever made and it actually has an integrity that stands the test of time.

Want proof? Test the 1936 version with the counter example. Play it while the Scifi Channel's current "reimagined" version is on and watch the latter shrivel up and blow away.


Not that that is definitive. The same result happens when the Scifi version is compared to exhibit B,

Exhibit C,

And even Exhibit D does a better job,


Or even (God help us!) this.

And this one is a cut above and it's so bad that the poster wouldn't even include an embed code!

Peter Cushing, Call Your Service

Scientists at the J Craig Venter Institute in the United States claim that they are on the verge of creating life.

Oh, this should end well!

Road to Nowhere

The stupidity of tyranny: An abandoned railway in Siberia that goes from nowhere to nowhere; built for no other reason than a bizarre whim of Stalin's that no one dared question.

Conservative Dhimmitude

A Muslim group in Britain lays out its talking points:

• Iran has "legitimate reasons for wanting nuclear weapons."
• Muslim preachers who advocate a rejection of democracy and its institutions should not be denied entry into Britain.
• Education in Britain should be changed to provide "full recognition to the massive contribution that Islam has made to the development of Western civilisation".
• Britain should think twice about supporting Israel unless they want the wrath of the umma to come down on their heads.

So, who are this lot? A load of raving Jihadi imams? No, its the Tory party's Conservative Muslim Forum.

It's like walking into the Carlton Club in 1943 and seeing Von Ribbentrop propping up the bar.

A Winter's Tale

Seatac airport in Seattle has found a "solution" to the ONE objection to its Christmas decorations: Abolish all references to Christmas (pardon my profanity) and replace the Christmas (Sorry!) trees with bare, flocked birch trunks symbolising-- Well, not much of anything really.

Since it is so utterly craven and vacuous, I guess we can call it the "multiculti grove".

Exploding the Euro Myths

Actually, the biggest myth is that we have to be any sort of "part" of Europe at all.

Alan Coren 1938-2007

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

Alan Coren

The humourist Alan Coren has died at the age of 69. Times columnist, editor of Punch for two decades and a regular on The News Quiz, Mr. Coren had a marvelous writing voice as the Cricklewood Middle-class Everyman and such an evenly balanced sense of humour that even when economic hard times brought the Great Purge to the library at Chez Szondy a book of his columns survived on the grounds that I was still trying to figure out how to crib his style.

The Habit and the Hijab

The absurdity of airport security in the United States summed up in one image.

Evil; Pure Evil

A toilet that hides itself away as a decorative cabinet when not in use.

I can imagine myself encountering one of these Hunt-The-Karzis at a dinner party as the curried lentils start to assault my colon. The volley of cursing that ensued would scorch the wallpaper black.

Bookworm Alert

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The Picturephone

People did not want to comb their hair to answer the telephone.

Robert Lucky

Forbes magazine looks at birth and instant death of the Picturephone.