Lesson Learned

Proving once again that the "courage" of the artistic community does not apply when actual courage is required, a feminist author in India has agreed to censor her latest book in hopes that the Jihadists will allow her to "live peacefully."

Good luck with that.

School of Dhimmitude

Muslims in Khartoum demonstrated how Islam is the "Religion of Peace" by taking to the streets with clubs and swords to demand that the British schoolteacher who allowed her students to name their teddy bear "Mohammed" be put to death.

The only thing more reprehensible than this display of barbarism is the fifteen-day sentence that the schoolteacher received in what was obviously a compromise between Whitehall and the Sudanese government instead of the more reliable policy of telling Sudan to release the woman immediately and with a full apology or face the modern equivalent of a gunboat and five rounds rapid.

Clearly Mr. Brown will be learning the old, hard lesson that when dealing with oriental barbarians the only solid course of action is to confront and humiliate them so that their provocations of civilised peoples are laid bare as nothing more than a path to defeat and shame. Instead, he has made Britain to appear the weak horse and has made her people more vulnerable.

Hostage Situation

Seattle mayor Greg Nickels shows the "caring" side of the environmentalist movement and does a marvellous impression of the Grinch:

A grim Christmas message for kids from the mayor of Seattle. Greg Nickels told small children he's launching "Operation Save Santa" to protect the big guy from global warming. At a Christmas tree lighting, Nickels warned the kids they had to use energy efficient light bulbs, or climate change could melt the North Pole --- and drown Santa, his elves and all his reindeer.

Translation: Submit to my policies or the fat guy gets it.

Another Nail

Local authorities in Britain are considering banning traditional stiles and gates because they are not "accessible to the disabled."

Next up, all mountains will be levelled and the seas shall be planked over.

The Return

As a writer, I've always been impressed with short stories and films done well. Here we see Johnny Vegas and the P G Tips Monkey doing a complete narrative in under two minutes. This is especially impressive, given that one of the actors is a sock puppet.

Walking Machine

Looks like they're finally starting to catch up.

Futuro For Sale

Mark you calendars, because one of the few surviving examples of the infamous Futuro house is up for sale in Paris on 27 November.

Yes, for as little as $220,222 you too can enjoy uncomfortable moulded furnishings, a cramped kitchen, too-low windows and all the privacy of the third-class waiting room at Waterloo station.

But it's (or was) the FUTURE!

Shadow Riots

Paris is again burning as "youths" attack policemen and set cars alight.

As per form, the BBC shows its hard-hitting get-to-the-bottom-of-things journalism by stalwartly refusing to identify the "youths" in any way shape or form; including running a series of photos that make it appear as if the riots are being conducted by invisible men.

What We Face

A British schoolteacher in the Sudan faces six months in jail or forty lashes for naming a teddy bear "Muhammad."

Just a little reminder of what dhimmitude looks like.

A Darwin Moment

Lord Summerisle was unavailable for comment.

A profile of a woman who took environmentalism to its logical extreme by having an abortion and sterlising herself because of a revelation she had at the age of fifteen:

I realised then that a baby would pollute the planet - and that never having a child was the most environmentally friendly thing I could do.

On the bright side, this sort of eco-dottiness is quickly self-correcting, since for all her self-righteous posturing all she's doing is surrendering the world to someone else's children.

Planet Outlaws

Your Saturday sci fi feature: Planet Outlaws.

Slight Error

This is London headline:

Brussels wants to scrap labels saying 'Made in Britain'

Translation:

Brussels wants to scrap labels saying 'Made in Britain'

A Hero For Our Times

A Middlesborough man has declined counselling after his wheelie bin was stolen.

Such men of iron are rare these days.

Jor El, Call Your Service

The above is what architect Ken Shuttleworth's plans to build next to Christopher Wren's monument to the Great Fire of London.

Thrift, Horatio. Now you can visit both the Monument and the Kryptonian embassy at one go.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving here in the United States, so I'm off for some quality family time and poultry overload.

Turkey Ten

The letters to the editor column in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer included this self-consciously cute "top ten" list from a vegetarian who clearly has been watching far too much David Letterman. It just ached for a fisking

10. You will pardon a turkey - just like President Bush, but for the right reasons.

Except the the presidential turkey is still alive while mine will be dead whether I pardon it or not. Is the bird supposed to spring like Lazarus from the supermarket deep freeze?

9. You'll celebrate life and good fortune, rather than death and misfortune.

Um... The bird is dead already, so the point is moot. And if the alternative is nut cutlets, I fail to see where the "good fortune" comes into the picture.

8. You won't suffer nightmares about how the turkey lived and died.

Don't now. Won't ever. Even if the shade of my departed feast showed up at midnight decked out like Marley's Ghost complete with chains, it would still be a turkey, which has the inherent fear factor of an overstuffed pigeon.

7. You won't have to call the Poultry Hotline to keep your family alive.

Not since I grasped that whole germ theory thing. The only threat a turkey will have to my family's life is if it's a killer cyborg turkey from the future hunting Sarah Connor. And that hasn't happened to me more than a couple of times.

6. You won't have to sweat the saturated fat and cholesterol.

I don't know what you do, but I generally sweat sweat.

5. Your vegetarian friends will adore you.

Oh, I'm really looking forward to that!

4. Your kids will tell their friends about their cool "tofurky."

The school bullies are really looking forward to that.

3. You won't fall asleep during the football game.

My napping habits are my own affair.

2. You are what you eat. Who wants to be a "butterball"?

Vegetarians in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

1. Commercial turkeys are too fat to have sex. Could happen to you.

And vegetarians are too... No, it's too easy a shot.

A Suggestion

It's Thanksgiving in the States tomorrow and if you are still trying to sort out your menu, my friend here would like to make a suggestion.

Dhimmitude in the Art World

The utter moral fraudulence of modern art revealed:

Britain’s contemporary artists are fêted around the world for their willingness to shock but fear is preventing them from tackling Islamic fundamentalism. Grayson Perry, the cross-dressing potter, Turner Prize winner and former Times columnist, said that he had consciously avoided commenting on radical Islam in his otherwise highly provocative body of work because of the threat of reprisals.

Perry also believes that many of his fellow visual artists have also ducked the issue, and one leading British gallery director told The Times that few major venues would be prepared to show potentially inflammatory works.

“I’ve censored myself,” Perry said at a discussion on art and politics organised by the Art Fund. “The reason I haven’t gone all out attacking Islamism in my art is because I feel real fear that someone will slit my throat.”

Anytime an "artist" starts bleating on about "speaking truth to power", "pushing the envelope", being "transgressive" and how "courageous" they are, feel free to respond with slow, sarcastic clapping.

Bat Bombs & Others

Well, they seemed like a good idea at the time.

Rat's Milk

From the Telegraph:

Drink rats' milk, says Heather Mills

You first.

Procrastination Flowchart

I'll get around to this one later.

Highway of the Future

Walt Disney's view of the highway of the future as seen from 1958.

We are deep into Thunderbirds territory here.

Clue Phone, Mr. Lennon

J. Michael Lennon, literary agent of the late Norman Mailer:

(Kurt)Vonnegut was the American Mark Twain. He even looked liked him.

And with that, the case against Mr. Lennon was proven.

The Not-So-Great Generation

William Kristol assesses the Greatest Generation and after:

There really was greatness in the "greatest generation." It fought and won World War II, then came home to achieve widespread prosperity and overcome segregation while seeing the Cold War through to a successful conclusion. But the greatest generation had one flaw, its greatest flaw, you might say: It begat the baby boomers.

How to Arm A Nuclear Bomb

A bit of post-Cold War retroactive nervousness from the BBC.

At least they let the MOD get a word in on the subject. Translated into English, what they're saying is that decoding the "go" message and launching a Trident is so complex that you'd need a conspiracy by pretty much the entire boat to pull it off.

Your Papers, Please

From next year, passengers between mainland Britain and Northern Ireland will be required to show their identification because police want "to build up a complete picture of passenger movements between Ulster and the mainland".

And I remember a time when if a policeman asked for my "papers" I could, and did, laugh in his face.

The First Spaceship on Venus

Your Saturday sci-fi fare: The First Spaceship on Venus aka Der Schweigende Stern.

One Horse Race

The replica of Colossus, the world's first true computer that was built during the Second World War, was beaten in a cipher-breaking race with a modern computer.

In other news, a replica of the 1903 Wright Flier was defeated in speed trails by an F-22 Raptor.

Shuttlski

Buran: The "other" space shuttle.

The Laser Avenger

For your Christmas wish list: A Humvee-mounted laser cannon.

Just let those kids try to get on my lawn now!

Terror Imam Faces Extradition

Jihadist Imam Abu Hamza al-Masri has lost his court challenge and can be extradited to the United States, where he faces eleven terrorism charges carrying a potential sentence of 100 years.

Let's pray that the Home Secretary signs the papers so that the Americans can bring al-Masri to justice, because it is crystal clear that New Labour has no intention of doing so.

Terror World

The BBC has a feature on how to make Britain's buildings more terrorist-proof.

Unfortunately, defeating the enemy is not considered as one of the options.

Fortress Britain With Only Three Walls and No Door

Because rail travel is not slow enough, the Prime Minister Mr. Gordon Brown unveils his "Fortress Britain" plan that would require all rail passengers to submit to airport-style baggage checks and body searches. Meanwhile, the government launches a "hearts and minds" campaign with the local Muslim "community" in an effort to stave off the recruitment of young Muslims to the Jihadist cause by being really, really nice to them and giving self-styled Muslim "leaders" pots of cash.

Admitting that we are actually at war with a fanatical enemy that wants to kill and enslave us, realising that terrorism is a military and not a criminal matter, restricting immigration from Islamist states, taking the war to the enemy, pursuing the Jihadists wherever they may hide, enforcing the laws against treason and sedition, deporting those who advocate Jihad and telling the EU to go chase itself, warning the sponsors of terrorists to cease their activities or face regime change, informing Iran that if it wants nuclear weapons then Britain will be happy to oblige courtesy of the Royal Navy and a Trident missile, and vowing an unrelenting offensive until victory is won and our enemies are dead and scattered was not mentioned because that would be upsetting to the Jihadists' tender sensibilities.

Christmas Tip

Get your Christmas shopping done early this year by ordering that special someone the Tercenturian Hamper from Fortnum & Masons. It's a snip at only £20,000 and includes these stocking stuffers:

• Cup of Excellence Coffee Gift
• 3x 250g caddies; Ladies’ Travel Set includes Jewellery Roll, Slippers, Mask and Cushion
• 25 Person Foie Gras en Croûte, 1.09kg
• Balsamic Treasure Trove, 2x 250ml bottle, 3x 50ml bottles
• Two pairs of Cashmere Socks in pink and grey
• Side of Smoked Scottish Wild Salmon, min. wt. 1.6kg
• Beluga Caviar, 200g tin
• William Yeoward Caviar Glass Dish
• Château d’Yquem, 1er Grand Cru Sauternes 1996 5 ltr Jeroboam
• Le Montrachet Grand Cru, J Prieur 1995
• Leather Cigar Holder
• Two William Yeoward Champagne Flutes
• William Yeoward Champagne Jug
• Three-tier Rich Celebration Fruitcake, min. wt. 8kg
• Château Latour, 1er Grand Cru Classe Pauillac 1970
• Gentleman’s Leather Jewellery Box
• Silver-plated Elephant Place Settings
• Two Cashmere Scarves in pink and brown
• Silk Box filled with a Selection of Chocolates, 2kg box
• Beaufort Cheese, min. wt. 2kg
• Cropwell Bishop Whole Baby Stilton, min. wt. 2.2kg
• Highgrove Ham, min. wt. 5.7kg
• Krug Champagne, Vintage Collection 1981, Magnum

• Tercentenary Champagne Truffles, 250g drum
• Vintage Port, Fonseca 1955
• Herend Tea Set for Two
• Tercentenary Ceramic Tea Caddy containing White Tea, 40g
• Château Margaux, 1er Grand Cru Classe Margaux 1983
• St James Christmas Pudding, 1.81kg ceramic basin
• Griottes, 227g wooden box
• Fortnum’s Favourites, 2.8kg box
• Wood and Steel Cigar Cutter
• Baron de Lustrac, Armagnac 1900
• Hand-engraved Stationery
• Wine Notes Book in Leather
• Entertaining Book
• “The First Three Hundred Years”, Fortnum & Mason Book
• Chunk Comb Honey, 14lb jar
• The Paragon Crackers, box of six
• William Yeoward Glass Honey Pot
• Lime Curd, 908g jar
• Lemon Curd, 908g jar
• Fortnum & Mason Apron, Oven Glove, Tea Cosie and Tea Towel
• Two leather Luggage Tags in red and black

Presented in a three-tiered English willow hamper set

Beats a cheese wheel, box of Ferrero Rocher and a case of milk stout, I suppose.

Hicks Nix Peacenik Pix

Roger Simon looks at why the American public is staying away from Hollywood's anti-American films in droves.

The Insatiable Appetite of the Totalitarian

Thought that the recent smoking ban was just a reasonable step by a reasonable government? You might want to think again after looking at the Nuffield Council on Bioethics recommendations. According to the BBC,

Its proposes raising alcohol prices, restricting pub opening hours and better food labelling to fight obesity.

The government said it was taking steps to protect public health.

Each of these proposals sounds "reasonable," but taken together and in context of recent legislation it reveals a mindset that regards the public not as those whom the government serves, but as subjects to be controlled and conditioned. I find it a bit frightening when a government equates "protecting public health" with "trampling on ancient liberties of freeborn Englishmen."

I find it even more frightening when the British people allow this sort of thing to be imposed upon them by their soon-to-be masters without so much as a whimper

BBC Scepticism

In an uncharacteristic display of actual journalism, the BBC gave space to John Christy, member of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and climate sceptic to state his case in his own words.

Don't get too excited, though. For every article like this, there a score more who treat that treat those who dare to question the received wisdom of Holy Gaia like an exotic tribe worthy of merely ethnographic interest.

Fox Hunting

Ha ha! Fox hunting. You see, the fox has a rifle and... Okay, I'm sorry.

Toilet House

Sim Jae-duck, South Korea's Mr. Toilet, has built a house shaped like a water closet.

Tragedy struck killing 27 people at the housewarming when one of the guests asked "what's this lever for?" and flushed the entire place.

Remembrance Sunday

God of our fathers, known of old,
Lord of our far-flung battle-line,
Beneath whose awful Hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget lest we forget!

The tumult and the shouting dies;
The Captains and the Kings depart:
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget lest we forget!

Far-called, our navies melt away;
On dune and headland sinks the fire:
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget lest we forget!

If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe,
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget lest we forget!

For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard,
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding, calls not Thee to guard,
For frantic boast and foolish word
Thy mercy on Thy People, Lord!

Rudyard Kipling

The Mole People

Your Saturday subterranean bit of cinematic goodness: The Mole People.

Warning: John Agar.

Kingmaker

Guardian headline:

Muslim politician could be kingmaker in Danish elections

I don't know anything about Mr. Naser Khader, the Muslim Danish Member of Parliament in question; he may well be a sound fellow who has declared war to the knife against the Jihadists and I'm perfectly happy to give him the benefit of the doubt.

However, in the current situation, and especially in Denmark where a 25-year-old social worker from the far-left Red-Green Alliance candidate declares that if elected to Parliament she will show in a hijab, it is a telling illustration that Muslims in Europe do not have to obtain anything like a majority in the population to wield political power and there is no guarantee that that power will be benign.

Coining Nostalgia

This one brings back painful memories of my early writing days; bung a shilling in and pound away like mad before the time ran out. Fine for banging out the odd article, but hell of a lot of pressure while searching for the mot juste.

Metric Meanderings

Another reason why the Imperial system is superior to the anachronistic metric: Kilograms are unreliable.