Nursery Nazis

What's the greatest threat facing Britain today? Jihadists? Knife-wielding thugs? A resurgent Russia?

Nope; racist toddlers.

And oh, yes: Eat your peas!

Update: A neat riposte from Classical Values:

Wow. Does this mean that the next time a Muslim child says "yuck" to ham (or, say, to shrimp and shellfish) that he'll be condemned as "racist"?

Sneaky UAV

The DevilRay UAV differs from the competition due to its remarkable feature of refuelling itself by siphoning electricity from power lines.

The entire principle of this machine is immoral.

Robolifeguard

Rescues swimmers in distress; hands Sarah Connor an anvil.

When Doctrine Bows to Ideology

BBC headline:

Church vote backs women bishops

Memo to the C of E: Last one out, please turn off the lights.

Microwave Sound Projector

They're only jealous because the voices talk to me!

Elektro On Tour–Sort Of

If you can't make it to Mansfield, Ohio to see the historic robot Elektro, then don't despair; a duplicate is going on display at the Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Unfortunately, you still have to go to Pittsburgh, so it's a bit of a trade off.

We Didn't Listen!

Out of France comes the news that the price of escargot is due to skyrocket due to production shortages.

Mind you, I wasn't aware of the "peak snail" theory.

Club Penal

When prison and country club collide.

Divine Providence

BBC headline:

Abba will 'never' perform again

Thank God and all his ministering angels, we are delivered!

Stress shirt

German scientists have come up with a shirt that can detect when you're stressed and if I got one it would be right nine times out of ten.

Why am I stressed? Because I'm wearing a *&%ing shirt that can tell when I'm stressed!

Irony Alert

Remember "hug-a-hoodie"? Guess what happened to the chap who came up with the idea?

Doggy Dhimmitude III

Police in Britain must now put booties on sniffer dogs while searching Muslim homes to prevent giving "offence".

Tomorrow is the third anniversary of 7/7. I bring this up because the police seem to have forgotten this little incident.

Oh, THAT First Commandment!

Dhimmitude in education from the Telegraph:

Two schoolboys were allegedly disciplined after refusing to kneel down and "pray to Allah" during a religious education lesson.

It was claimed that the boys, from a year seven class of 11 and 12-year-olds, were given detention after refusing to take part in a practical demonstration of how Allah is worshipped.

It's as if commonsense just picked up her skirts and ran screaming from the room.

When Blessed Gaia Attacks

Headline from Pravda:

Earth begins to kill people for changing its climate

I think someone has been working too hard and needs a little lie down.

Harold Lloyd, Call your Service

A basin with a slot inside that directs the water wherever you put your hand.

I prefer one that directs the water every place except where your hand is. Much more comedy value.

Tiny Terror

Michael Prather of the University of California at Irvine claims that flat-screen televisions are a blasphemy in the eyes of Blessed Gaia will exacerbate global warming because the nitrogen trifluoride (NF₃) they use is 17,200 times more of a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

And the cyanide in apple seeds will make me fall stone dead. When NF₃ is dumped into the atmosphere by the trillions of tons and we all start choking to death on the fumes, then we can start worrying about its greenhouse effect. If at all.

Metropolis Found

The Last Woman On Earth

They were going to do the penultimate woman on earth, but that sort of fell through.

Independence Day

It's Independence Day in the States, so I'm off for some family time.

Back tomorrow.

Cultural Suicide Judicial Style

Lord Phillips of Worth Matravers, the Lord Chief Justice, says that he agrees with the Archbishop of Canterbury and that Sharia should be adopted in Britain.

Sometimes it's like going to the bridge of the Titanic and finding the captain trying to do a deal with the iceberg.

Right Purchase, Wrong Budget

Super SideBar

The $499 Super SideBar is the answer for the amateur barman for whom lifting those heavy bottles is just too much effort. A touch of a button and you can dispense the contents of any of five bottles stored in its cabinet.

Frankly, I'm voting close, but no cigar. When they add ten more bottles and make it so it can not only pump out the booze but mix it and cut the limes, then I'll be impressed.

Amphibious RV

Just the thing if you're visiting East Anglia.

Top Gear G&T

The BBC Trust has wagged a bony finger at Top Gear's polar special for allegedly "glamourising" drink driving by showing a scene of Jeremy Clarkson sipping a gin and tonic while motoring across the arctic wastes to the North Pole. Leaving aside the bizarre notion that Mr. Clarkson could glamourise anything, the producers quite rightly put forward the defence that the North Pole is outside of British jurisdiction and therefore no offence was committed.

Now if they'd had the presence to also point out that since the programme aired there have been remarkably few incidents of drunken British young people tearing around the Pole in SUVs, its impact may be emperically regarded as minimal.

I can't, however, say the same for the scene in another episode where they showed of James May driving an Aston Martin in Italy stark naked because his car was a racer and therefore didn't have air conditioning and couldn't open the windows. It's of such things that eye bleach is made for.

Update: James May responds– and not to the nude Aston Martin bit.

Nova 2

Nova 2: another British bid in Space Tourism race with a ticket price of £98,000.

If Britain is going to build space rockets I'd prefer something more along the lines of Prof. Quatermass' ideas, but you can't have everything.

Rubbish Irony

Chichester District Council placed a £10,000 spy camera in a rubbish bag to catch illicit fly tippers.

It got picked up by the dustmen and chucked.

Life is good.

Doggy Dhimmitude II

And just to show that sniffer dogs aren't the only ones running afoul of the Faithful, Muslims in Dundee are in a lather because a post card advertising a new police telephone number has a puppy on it.

For today's bonus round, did the Dundee police:

a) Tell the Muslims concerned that Britain is a dog-loving nation and if the offended don't learn to accommodate themselves to their host's ways, they'd best reconsider their decision to immigrate.

b) Issue an abject apology and promise never to do such a wicked thing again.

If you answered b, then congratulations! You are now the new chief constable!

Update: According to The Courier, the incident is a bit overblown due to an overzealous Muslim councilman and that Mahmud Sarwar, trustee of the Scottish Islamic and Cultural Centre and the Dura Street mosque, has said that the dog wasn't really offensive.

That's certainly a welcome development, but it does, however, miss two important points. First, the police should never have apologised for something that no reasonable person would be offended by and second, though their comments are welcome, it is not the place of the Scottish Islamic and Cultural Centre or the Dura Street mosque to have a say whether or not the Tayside police put dogs on their postcards and should have no bearing on any decisions.

Fun Fair Food

Local government group LACORS has decreed that food served at theme parks and other holiday venues is unhealthy for children.

Sweet spirits of nitre, that's the whole point of holiday food.

Doggy Dialysis