Build your own solar system

Now's your chance to play God.

It's not as easy as it looks, though. That's probably the reason why the Book of Genesis left out all that effing and blinding on His part.

Panspermia ad astra

Professor Michael Mautner of Virginia Commonwealth University believes that we have a moral obligation to spread life throughout the universe. What sort of life? Anything, really. Man, microbe, bio-engineered whatnots; so long as Life goes on and on.

It isn't often that one stumbles across this sort of Wellsian thinking these days. It rather reminds me of this exchange from Out of the Silent Planet where our hero Ransom is translating a speech by the villainous fellow-Earthman Weston for the benefit of his Martian audience:

“Life is greater than any system of morality; her claims are absolute. It is not by tribal taboos and copy-book maxims that she has pursued her relentless march from the amoeba to man and from man to civilization.”

“He says,” began Ransom, “That living creatures are stronger than the question whether an act is bent or good—no, that cannot be right— he says it is better to be alive and bent than to be dead—no—he says, he says—I cannot say what he says, Oyarsa, in your language. But he goes on to say that the only good thing is that there should be very many creatures alive He says there were many other animals before the first men and the later ones were better than the earlier ones; but he says the animals were not born because of what is said to the young about bent and good action by their elders. And he says these animals did not feel any pity.”

Doesn't quite come across the same when plain language changes a ringing call for a cosmic crusade into advocacy of an intergalactic sneeze.

You are here

The American Museum of Natural History's shot at the Total Perspective Vortex. It really makes me feel large and significant.

My only question is, why the deuce does it start off over the Himalayas and then pans over Tibet? From that point, all you get is a shot of the middle of nowhere expanding into an unrecognisable blob of Asia and the Indian subcontinent. Next time, lads, forget trying to polish your multiculti credentials and use, say, Central Park, New York City as your starting point. It is, after all, where your museum is, isn't it?

We choose not to go to the Moon

Well, we already knew that he wasn't Kennedy.

Hugo Drax, call your service

Now that the programme is coming to an end, NASA is selling off its fleet of space shuttles at a knock-down price of $28.8 million dollars and throwing in the main engines for free.

Install a death ray in the cargo bay, add a couple of solid rocket boosters, and you'll be making demands for world domination for under $100 million tops.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Uranus and Neptune may have oceans of liquid diamond with diamond icebergs floating in them.

The commercial possibilities are staggering, but it will mean building the world's largest claw machine.

Space Suite

Four million dollars for a room and they still won't make the tea properly.

Not surprised

On Friday, the Tidbinbilla Deep Space Communication Complex,Canberra, Australia,sent out more than 25,000 messages to the extrasolar planet Gliese 581d. It was full of the usual "Hello, we welcome you in peace and hope you can help us with our problems" rubbish*, but we here at EI have the exclusive clip of the return message from the beings of Gliese 581d:

*My message was: "We are coming on with fire and sword; laying waste to all before us. Surrender, if you wish to live and we will roar with laughter at your cowardice." It didn't make the cut for some reason.

James May in space

Nearly.

This is the sort of documentary I like; not a load of talking heads, generic music, and fake drama, but someone who loves his subject and has the ability to convey that love.

And yes, I hate his guts, the lucky bastard.

New suit

NASA shows off its new spacesuit. It's promoted as an all-rounder, but the question remains whether there will be a tweed cut for country outings.

And those trouser cuffs look a bit suspect, too.

One small step

Five galaxy collision

If you think you have it tough, imagine what it's like for these poor bastards who have five galaxies all crashing into each other at the same time.

The insurace premiums must be hell.

Space jerky

Canada is boldly going where no snack has gone before and is sending two pounds of beef jerky to the International Space Station.

In response, the United States has dispatched an emergency craft loaded with Slim Jims.

Interplanetary paternity suit

Scientists have developed a "cosmic pregnancy test" and conclude that "the nebula Barnard 68 (B68) will inevitably give birth to a star sometime in the next 200,000 years."

In other news, Alpha Centauri stares at the ceiling and whistles tunelessly.

Klaatu borada nikto

Slashdot asks, how would you greet an extraterrestrial?

I'd prefer something along the lines of: "Good day, sir. Do you have your passport, visa, ship's registration and manifest? Right. Have you read this, sir? Do you have any wine, spirits, uncooked meats, growing plants? How many cigarettes? How much cash..."

James Kirk, Call Your Service

Headline from Slashdot:

Mars Robot May Destroy Life It Was Sent To Find

Yep. It was only a question of time.

Cosmic Poppadoms

Showing that India is taking its space programme seriously and that it has its priorities straight, Defence Food Research Laboratory (DFRL) has been tasked with creating the world's first orbital curry.

The interplanetary chutney may take a bit longer.

Skylon is Go II

A few days ago, we talked about the Skylon project. Here it is in action.

Coffee...Of The FUTURE!

At last, the final barrier to man's conquest of space has been breached.

Dr Palindrome, Call Your Service

Headline from Discover magazine:

Experts Declare War on Space Junk… So What Do We Do Now?

Might we offer a humble suggestion:

Skylon is Go

I've been following the development of this British answer to the Space Shuttle for some time and if it looks anything in real life like this artist's concept, then we're in for a treat.

During it's rollout, however, the Thunderbirds March must be mandatory.

Though, I will settle for this.

Japan's Next-Generation Space Toilet

Go away. Just go away.

Mars "Colony"

I'm sure that the simulated Mars colony in Hanksville, Utah has its heart in the right place and it does look kind of cool from the outside.

Inside, however, it is less than impressive; looking more like the sort of site huts that I kicked around in during my archaeology days. Somehow, I doubt that plywood will be a major construction material on Mars, nor do I think that hammers and nails will be in great demand.

But my favourite is the fact that the "astronauts" don "spacesuits" before doing an "EVA", or as we call it on earth, putting on silly overalls before going outside. No doubt it's all jolly fun, but wake me when they relocate the camp to the top of Mount Everest or the bottom of Lake Superior and then I'll be more impressed.

A Møøse Once Bit My Sister

Tycho Brahe (1546-1601): Astronomer, duellist, and lover of beer-drinking moose.

Professor Quatermass, Call Your Service

David Schleicher of the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona asserts that Comet Machholz 1is, in fact, from another star system.

Given how these things generally work out, I vote we give this one a wide berth.

Space Turkey

It's good to see that NASA is keeping up with its hallowed traditions.

No shrimp cocktail, though.

Mushroom Monsters

Mushrooms have been found growing on the International Space Station.

Between them and the spiders I expect some major kaiju action soon.

Space Spiders

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station have not only lost a tool kit, but the spiders have gone missing as well.

Not to worry, though. What could possibly go wrong?

Taste Test

This is an example of the sort of writing assignment that I am thankful I never get.

Oh, Dear

A scientist at Leeds Metropolitan University claims to have developed a computer programme that can translate alien messages.

Here is an early sample of his results.

The Scarab

A nuclear-powered Moon rover–and it has a cool paint job.

What more could you want?

Okay, lasers.

Messenger

The American Messenger space probe Messenger has flown past Mercury.

Since I'm rereading a bit of E E "Doc" Smith at the moment I'll fail to be impressed unless it encounters a load of six-legged aliens hurling around super death rays in a volley of superlatives.

Space Couture

Orbital Outfitters has gone to Hollywood special effects man Chris Gilman to help design suits for tomorrow's space tourists.

They're dashing, I'll grant you, but I still prefer to go with a classic.

Christo, Call Your Service

How to fight the scourge of Earth-impacting asteroids? Wrap them in Bacofoil.

Then pop them in a medium oven for two hours and serve with butter, sour cream, chives, and crumbly bacon.

Mullahs in Space!

Iran announces that it intends to put a man in orbit within ten years.

First the Chinese and now this. What is it about repressive tyrannies that makes them want to spend incredible amounts of money with no hope of return for the honour of retreading ground covered by the superpowers half a century ago?

Next up: Zimbabwe pledges to discover the New World.

Starship Stumbles

Interstellar spaceflight in our lifetime? In anybody's?

The maths, as usual, is the killjoy.

Red Planet Rumours

There are rumours that a White House briefing indicates that a major announcement is going to be made about life on mars.

I don't see what more needs to be said. While the original BBC series was pretty good, it's pretty obvious that the American version on ABC will be a dry disappointment.

A Bit Far From the Shops

The good news is that prime beachfront property on a secluded lake is available at a knockdown price.

The bad news is that the lake is liquid ethane and it's on Titan. That's not a problem, is it?

Space Pee

Nasa is asking its employees for urine samples. Eight gallons of them.

The reason for this is that the Orion... EIGHT GALLONS?!?

Better One, Or Two

Nasa engineers working in their spare time have come up with an alternative to the new manned rocket system that is safer, more reliable, and cheaper by $35 billion.

Naturally, Nasa is seriously considering this proposal and... Oh, who am I kidding?

Microsats

Nova 2

Nova 2: another British bid in Space Tourism race with a ticket price of £98,000.

If Britain is going to build space rockets I'd prefer something more along the lines of Prof. Quatermass' ideas, but you can't have everything.

Garden Mars

I used to be less than convinced about the necessity for colonising Mars, but the latest results of the NASA Phoenix probe has me looking forward to the day when we can expect to see our skies dark with the annual return of the asparagus fleet from the red planet.

Coming Attractions

From orbital fuel depots to electric solar sails; what's coming next in space technology.

Nuclear drive still sitting on the same back burner as that cancer cure.

Solar Power Outage

The Sun is supposed to be entering a new phase of activity, but is two years late. According to Saku Tsuneta with the National Astronomical Observatory of Japan,

It continues to be dead,. It's a small concern, a very small concern.

Um... I've got some jumper cables, if that's any help.

Galaxy Map

For the really, really lost.

Climate Change on Jupiter

We didn't listen!

Crewedly Crews

Astrium have unveiled their idea for a "crewed" spacecraft based on the Jules Verne class cargo carrier.

We have a similar type of craft in the Anglophone world, only we follow proper grammar and call them "manned".

Update: I particularly like the way they refer to "non-human items".

Translation: Cargo.

Space Boomerang

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station demonstrate that a boomerang can fly in zero gravity.

Good to see Nasa isn't wasting its budget on frivolities.

You Aren't Here

The Japanese space agency has released high-definition lunar maps based on their recent Selene reconnaissance mission.

Moonbase 3 is in the sort of northy bit.

Vanguard: World's Oldest Spacecraft

Vanguard marks a half-century in orbit.

Still the cutest little space-grapefruit.

XCOR Aerospace

A new contender in the spaceplane race promises to fly within two years.

Cool.

Death Star

Astronomers at the University of Sydney have discovered that,

A spectacular, rotating binary star system is a ticking time bomb, ready to throw out a searing beam of high-energy gamma rays – and Earth may be right in the line of fire.

Somehow it makes rototilling the garden a bit pointless.

One-Way to Mars

Mr. Jim McLane, a former NASA engineer, claims that the most cost-effective way of carrying out a manned Mars mission is to send one man on a one-way trip.

That's "one way" as in "not planning on bringing him back," not "no guarantee of bringing him back." According to Mr. Lane,

When we eliminate the need to launch off Mars, we remove the mission’s most daunting obstacle.

Some aeroplane engineers had the same idea about landing gear, but that never proved very popular except with certain circles in the Imperial Japanese Navy.

Mr. McLane says that this approach is in keeping with the spirit of Charles Lindbergh or Captain Scott, who both took tremendous risks, but he overlooks the fact that Lindbergh was attempting to reach Paris, which had a good return liner service and was inhabited, albeit by Frenchmen, and Captain Scott and his men had no intention of taking up permanent residence at the South Pole. Even immigrants to the New World who had no plans to return home went with the tacit understanding that two-way trade was the point of the entire enterprise, not a dumping into a prison without hope of reprieve.

Counter proposals that just shooting the volunteer in the head is even more cost effective were not received gracefully.

Shado of a Doubt

The United States announced that one of its missiles successfully destroyed a "rogue spy satellite" in the upper atmosphere.

I don't know, but I've seen this sort of thing before. Was Commander Straker anywhere in the vicinity?

Update:

Don't Leave Earth Without It

And now for the really paranoid, we present dog tags engraved with vital information that will allow alien Good Samaratins to return you to Earth should you be abducted by flying saucers or fall through some inconvenient rift in the space-time continuum.

We recommend that you also keep several billion dollars in your shoe to cover coach fare.

Space Cabbage

NASA is adding kimchi to the International Space Station's menu.

They've been wanting to test that emergency escape plan for years.

Flying High

Japanese scientists have developed a paper airplane that will fly in space.

Cure for cancer somewhere on the list.

Mission to Mars

Mona's Lab looks at the 1963 prediction of the Mars Mission that never was.

Worse luck.